Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Day ten of Cushing's Awareness: Eviction Day!

January 20th, 2012 was here.  This was the day I had been fighting for since I realized I was sick and knew it was in my head, literally.  I woke up pretty early on my own, which was no surprise.  I didn't have to be at the hospital until later in the morning.  I was second on the surgery list.  Turns out the person going before me also had Cushing's Disease and was having a pituitary tumor or tumors removed as well.  It is a rare disease, but it's rarely diagnosed so I'm pretty sure there are so many more people out there dealing with Cushing's and pituitary issues.  I got myself showered, packed and was able to Skype with my babies and my sister one last time.  I was eerily calm.  Considering how nervous I had been up until that point, I was astounded by the amount of calm and comfort I felt.  I believe that the prayers that were with me played a huge part in it, I also believe the fact that I had faith in my surgeon was also a great deal as well.  I knew that the only step to get better was to get on that surgical table and let them rid me of my demons.  I was ready.

We left the hotel and headed to the hospital.  I was still so very calm.  I am not usually a freak out type of person, but I had my moments before I would go to sleep at night while still back in Illinois.  I would think about the surgery and my heart would start going crazy and I just had to take a deep breath to make it through the dark thoughts in my head.  I am my own worst enemy sometimes.  I got checked in and we all sat in the waiting area for quite a while.  Apparently they were running behind schedule.  I got to visit with my family some more and have some good laughs.  I then got called back.  I felt like I was having an out of body experience.  I didn't quite feel I was in control of myself, but felt I was watching everything happen through another person's eyes.  It was quite surreal.  I said goodbye to  my family and my husband and I headed back to the surgical staging unit.  I had to get undressed and put on my lovely gown.  Then they fitted me for my embolism stockings.  The ultimate in sexy wear, let me tell you.  lol  Once I was settled in I texted my mom and told her to come back as well.  I knew she was like a caged animal out there and I needed her with me anyways.  No matter what age your child may be, a mom never loses that instinct of needing to protect and nurture their young.  My husband went and got her and showed her back to me.  I was able to sneak in another call to my babies and I felt the first wave of tears and fear hit me.  Hearing my babies about did me in, but then I thought to myself I had to buck up.  I was doing this so I could be around for a very, very long time.  I was going to fight this beast head on and I was ready.  I told them I loved them and said goodbye.  Then the Anesethesiologist came back and asked a lot of questions and explained what they would be doing and if they had issues they couldn't use my nose because that was the route Dr. McCutcheon would be using to access my pituitary.  They put an I.V. in and gave me a little something to take the edge off and then they came to get me. I saw the look of panic on my mom and husband's face.  I knew they were trying so hard to remain strong, but I could see they were about to break.  I hate seeing my family scared and hurting.  I kissed them goodbye and off I went.

They brought me into the operating room and had me slide on to the surgical table.  On the wall were computer screens of my brain MRI.  It was pretty neat.  I remember them asking me some questions and they said they were going to give me something to put me to sleep.  I was out before I could even have another thought.

Goodbye Cushing's!

1 comment:

  1. You're a brave lady talking to your kids so close to surgery. It was all I could do to hold it together being there alone the first time.

    I kept those stockings and wore them home on the plane they were so smexy!