Sunday, April 29, 2012

Day 29 of Cushing's Awareness: Why I blog about my journey

When I decided at the last minute to join in with several other Cushie's to do the 30 day challenge of blogging about Cushing's to help raise awareness, I had no idea how much time and effort would go into writing and how much it would grow to mean to me.  I've spent hours every day thinking about what to write, reading my own medical records, looking up information and just reliving my own journey that has gotten me to this point in my life.

I don't know why I decided to do it, but I'm glad I did.  It's been very therapeutic for me to write it all out.  I've been meaning to do it for a long time, but just never had that fire lit under my butt that got me motivated enough.  I figured that writing about my journey may someday help someone else who is on their path looking for answers.  Maybe it will encourage someone to never give up, keep looking for answers or just help someone to understand they are not alone in this.  Cushing's can make a person  feel very isolated, but with the power of the Internet it has brought so many of us with this "rare disease" together.  We are able to share our own trials and tribulations and also mourn the losses of those that our community has lost.  This blog has also helped my family and friends to better understand what it is I have been through and continue to go through on a daily basis.  Every day I wake up and my goal is simply to survive the day.  One day I hope and pray that I will be able to plan so much more than that, but for now I am grateful that I am alive and still able to function as best as my body allows me.  It's not as much function as I'd like, but I know there are many out there that are dealing with so much more than I am.  It isn't easy being me, but it's the only me that I know.  I embrace it, but I will always strive for more.  I was born to fight and fight I shall.

If this disease does happen to defeat me, it is nice knowing there will be a piece of me forever left on the Internet and that some day my children can read it and know that I never gave up.  I fought to get better and no matter how big the obstacle I kept on because I do not want my children to grow up without me.  It's amazing how powerful love is.  There is nothing in this world that can defeat it.  I know that sounds cheesy, but it's my love for my family that keeps me sustained during my darkest hours.  It brings me back out of the darkness and allows me to see that there is always a reason to fight and always a reason to hold on to hope.

If this blog has touched just one person and helped them to better understand what Cushing's is then I feel that somehow my misfortune has a purpose.

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